I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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