Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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