speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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