this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
