I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So much Jack, so little girl.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize