who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
