I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
my poor anus
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
