We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
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Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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