Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize