gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
