HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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