Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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