yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
