she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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