hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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