Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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