Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
