He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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