I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
