Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she looked like the before picture.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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