Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
