i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
