proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
