my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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