my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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