Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
