I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
