guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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