false alarm. still invincible.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
