Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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