God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
