youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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