I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
