Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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