is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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