No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
