The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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