so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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