you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
