I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
