ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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