So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
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So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
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Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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