I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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