So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
MIDGETS
????
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
