Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
