things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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