Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
