You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
