i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
