Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
