My nipple is on Facebook.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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