it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
