we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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