went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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