I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
