4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
