How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
