Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
